“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”
— Warren Buffett
3 Useful Tips Today
Before we round out No-vember for 2023, I want to give you as much helpful information as possible. These tips are curated from all over the world, for different decades and languages— I’m hoping pulling them all together for you over the past 30 days has helped you glean some insights into how you can reassess your time ahead of the New Year.
1. Before you accept any invitation, you must ask yourself this simple question…
This article in Slate from nearly 10 years ago hit me in the guts, but wow did it stick with me: Full credit goes to Hanna Rosin, and her friend, New Yorker staff writer Margaret Talbot.
What an honor! You have been asked to appear on a panel, to keynote a conference, to advise a celebrity, to be publicly acclaimed. Perhaps you have been offered a plump check. Perhaps you’ve even been promised a prize! Of course, you’re flattered. Of course, you accept, because you have so much time to prepare. After all, this thing isn’t happening until October. It’s next year. It’s in 2018. It’s so far in the future, you’ll probably be dead by then.
You’ve made a terrible mistake.
Though the engagement seems infinitely far away today, it will eventually, inevitably, be a week away. Then it’s a day away. And you still haven’t written the speech you need to write. You still have to make a hotel reservation and buy a train ticket and find a baby sitter and apologize to your sister …etc
But I have the miracle solution:
Anytime anyone invites you to do anything, ask yourself this question before you accept: Would I do it tomorrow?
That’s it—those five words. Not: Would I do it on some theoretical day in the future? This is the crucial question: Would I upend whatever I am doing tomorrow so that I can go there and do that?
Are they paying you enough to skip your daughter’s soccer game tomorrow? Is the panel interesting enough that you don’t mind asking your colleague to cover for you, tomorrow? Is the conference important enough to your career that you would blow off your college roommate’s visit, which is tomorrow. When you get the invitation, pay no attention at all to its far-flung date: Move it mentally to tomorrow.
Tomorrow makes decisions simple. Meeting the president? Of course I would do that tomorrow! You’re proposing to pay me that much? Then I would speak to your annual meeting of anesthesiologists tomorrow. Driving to North Carolina to give a speech? Not tomorrow. Serve on that important-sounding committee? If I have to do it tomorrow, no way.
2. The Power of Knowing When To Walk Away
Annie Duke has some pretty powerful insights in her book (see in Recommended Reading below) exploring the misconception that “quitting” means “failing”. The whole hustle culture of “Never quit! Ever!” is actually pretty toxic when you’re pursuing the wrong thing. Sometimes you need to pop your head up and ask, “Why am I still doing this?”
Remember the quote from James Clear:
“The most invisible form of wasted time is doing a good job on an unimportant task.“
In quitting, Annie writes:
"A common misconception about quitting is that it will slow your progress or stop it altogether. But it is the reverse that is actually true. If you stick to a path that is no longer worth pursuing, whether it’s a relationship that isn’t going well, or a stock that you’re invested in that’s losing money, or an employee that you’ve hired who isn’t performing, that is when you lose ground.
By not quitting, you are missing out on the opportunity to switch to something that will create more progress toward your goals. Anytime you stay mired in a losing endeavor, that is when you are slowing your progress. Anytime you stick to something when there are better opportunities out there, that is when you are slowing your progress.
Contrary to popular belief, quitting will get you to where you want to go faster."
(Source)
3. How Boredom Leads To Brilliance
On Day #12, we explored the notion of Bathing Yourself in Boredom, to uncouple you from the reflexive instinct to fill every waking moment with novelty. This gives you the mental space needed to do your most important work— but, more importantly, it gives you the ability to connect seemingly disparate ideas and find creative solutions to problems. Watch the short video below for more on this topic.
Baby steps. NO takes practice. Start small, and work your way up.
Good luck,
- Jason
Recommended Reading:
Annie Duke
Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away
This one explores the importance of quitting for success. It discusses why people struggle to quit, using examples from business, government, and personal life. Duke offers strategies for effective quitting, addressing biases and decision-making, and emphasizes the role of quitting in making better life and business choices.
(I posted the cover because there is another book by the same name that is not as good. 👆 Make sure you get this one.)
Bonus Review:
Don’t Forget:
Sarah Knight’s 10 tips for saying an effective NO:
Slow your NO roll. Deciding whether you even want to say yes or no is harder when you’re standing face-to-face with a fellow human intent on getting a response. To give yourself some time and space to ruminate on the request, master the phrase “I’ll have to think about that.” It’s a polite, natural way to press Pause on the conversation until you’re ready to resume—be that in two minutes, two days, or two weeks from never.
Follow the Golden Rule. If you feel bad about saying no, ponder how you would want someone to respond to your invitation if they really couldn’t or simply didn’t want to join you. You wouldn’t want them to feel guilty or pressured to say yes anyway, would you? Right. Shift your mindset and do unto others as you would have them do unto you, boo.
Be explicit. If you’re having FOMO but still want to say no, just…say so! Telling people that you’re conflicted (and why) shows them you’re not just a flake or being purposefully hard to pin down. They’ll be more inclined to give you another chance to join in another time—which is what you were hoping for in the first place. And that’s BOBO. (Best of both options.)
Scapegoats are great goats. If you’re still too timid to take full responsibility for your no, you could invoke a third party. Your boss wouldn’t like it; your babysitter isn’t available that night; God’s watching; etc. Sneaky but effective.
Mission: Impossible. Especially in a work context, learn to replace “I can’t” with “That won’t be possible.” This keeps your competence out of the equation and stops clients and colleagues from thinking there remains a possibility that you could still say yes if they just keep bugging you about it.
Add a compliment condiment. Like a Chipotle burrito bowl, every no can be customized. I like to lace mine with the hot sauce of high praise, e.g., “Thanks so much for the invite, Auntie Cynthia, but I’ll have to let someone else drool over your amazing salmon loaf this time around!”
The “No-for-now.” This one’s great for keeping your options open. For example, if your hairdresser suggests a radical cut or color or shaping of sideburns, it’s okay to say “Not today, thanks. I’d need more time to get used to that idea.” On one hand, they see a lot of hair on a daily basis and they probably have a good idea of what would flatter your face. On the other hand, Cersei Lannister died before she was able to grow out that pixie cut. Cautionary tale.
No, but make it a pictogram! Use emoji to keep your no brief, nonconfrontational, and disarming. “I’d rather choke on a hardboiled egg than sit through Easter services” becomes “Can’t make it this year! [bunny] [ham] [sad face]”
File under “Nope.” I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you receive an unsolicited email or snail mail for anything that you don’t want to buy, sponsor, review, or “TRY FREE FOR 30 DAYS!” you can just hit Delete or toss it in the circular file and never think about it again. Not even once. Seriously, it’s okay.
Don’t get cocky. If someone prefaces a request with “Do you mind if I…?”—and you do mind—then you have to say YES, not no. Stay alert for trick questions.
Read more below: