Day #23: Say NO To Giving Away Your Attention
Happy Thanksgiving! It’s time to stop (thanks)giving in to emotional reactions and distractions. Today is a perfect time to try these new skills.
“He who angers you, conquers you.”
— Elizabeth Kenny
2 Brief, Important Lessons Today:
You have a finite amount of attention.
Corporations spend millions, often billions of marketing and research dollars to learn the best ways to a.) Grab your attention and b.) Keep it. They want as much of it as they can possibly get. Sadly, that is usually done by stimulating your subconscious in a manipulative way; making you feel a strong emotion using powerful language, sound and imagery. It can be done on a screen, on a page, or in-person.
Your attention belongs to you: So do your reactions.
The most valuable thing you can hone is your ability to notice and react to distractions, and emotional manipulations. This skill will be the one thing that helps you overcome your compulsion to say yes (consciously or subconsciously) to things without regard for your valuable time, attention and energy. Practices like mindful awareness can help you notice your tendencies (ie. observe your own mind) when you are being pulled toward one emotion or another— anything from a tragic video on TikTok to a an insensitive family member bloviating over Thanksgiving dinner.
”He who angers you, conquers you.”
This is a truth that has lived as long as humans have existed. Anger, Jealously, any negative or powerful emotion is something you can decide to react to, or not. He/She/They will always conquer your mind if you let them.
Someone says/does something to illicit a strong emotion response from you? First, do nothing. Then, say NO. Don’t react. Don’t engage. Remove yourself from the trigger, the reaction and the outcome.
Note: This all comes back to the tool you learned on Day #3: The Power of The Pause. If it seems like I’m repeating myself, it’s because I am.
I’m won’t write a long missive on “how social media is ruining society blah blah blah—“ enough blowhards are doing that already. What I want you to do, however, is to really focus on being able to inwardly say NO when you notice something unconstructive stealing your attention, or manipulating you into ann emotional reaction. It’s very, very difficult. But it is a skill you can hone.
Become Indistractible
This falls under “Recommended Reading” but it’s really more of a “Recommended having on your desk at all times.”
Nir Eyal's “Indistractable” is a really good guide on how to master internal triggers and regain control over attention and life. It includes strategies for managing discomfort without resorting to distractions, scheduling time effectively, handling external triggers, and using pre-commitments to avoid distractions. The book emphasizes understanding the root causes of distractions, reimagining tasks, and aligning activities with personal values. It advocates for a proactive approach in managing time and focus, offering a practical method for improving focus, productivity, and overall well-being.
Protecting your irreplaceable time and attention is quite simple, but not easy.
I hope you’re having a happy Thanksgiving. No homework: Give yourself a break today. Just keep today’s lesson in mind when Uncle Gary says something about race, religion or the election. Pause. Breathe. Regain your attention. Don’t engage.
Baby steps. NO takes practice. Start small, and work your way up.
Good luck,
- Jason